My boyfriend flirts in front of me, so what should I do? If you're uncomfortable with how your boyfriend acts around other women, then find out what to do here!

Some men use flirtation in social situations because it's all they know how to do when interacting with the opposite sex. Others flirt relentlessly for hook-ups. Some men flirt because it makes them feel good about themselves when they are otherwise fairly insecure. 

In other words, he may be trying to get a positive or equal reaction from the other woman to endorse that he is desirable. If this is happening in front of you, he is probably oblivious to the fact that this negates your importance to him, and he is only thinking about his own needs or ego in that moment.

Unfortunately, sometimes men don't see the harm in throwing a little flirtation at other women because they believe "it's not cheating." Albeit true that they haven't physically cheated, flirtations can be the segue into an affair, especially considering current high infidelity rates. 

If you're uncomfortable with your boyfriend flirting in front of you, take a minute to realise that he is in fact, flirting in front of you. He isn't doing this behind your back which means he may not think he is doing anything wrong. The good news: you know what he is doing, therefore you can do something about it. 

Unless you suspect more is going on, then follow these essential tips on what to do when your boyfriend revs up his flirting game:

1. Do Nothing

Well, at first. The worst thing you can possibly do is immediately launch an attack on your man like that of a fire-breathing dragon. It is key to stay calm, and carry on until you find yourself cool, calm, and collected

Your eyes might be burning fiery daggers into your boyfriend's back as you realise, "Wow, my boyfriend flirts in front of me." But maintaining some composure will only help your message land in a more effective way as you demonstrate more maturity than he currently is. 

So yes, initially, do nothing. Do nothing while you sort out your exact plan of action. Find exactly what you want to say to him when you sit him down like the twelve-year-old he's acting like.

2. Have a Little Chit-Chat

Ladies, it is quite possible that your man doesn't realise he is being flirtatious.

Men and women have very different brains when it comes to how we feel about flirting, kissing, and sex. We hold the latter in a very different regard than men sometimes do. This isn't the case for everyone of course, but the point is that many men don't see flirting as an issue. 

It's time to sit down and look your boyfriend in the eye and say "I have a boyfriend who flirts in front of me." He may look a little confused before he realises that you are serious.  

Now, this isn't time for a scolding upon the first offense. Simply state what bothered you and why. He is your boyfriend and chances are very high that he loves you very much. Believe it or not, men can actually take a note. 

Give him a chance to respond and explain himself or his side. If you're immediately met with resistance, it's time to dig a little deeper into potentially bigger issues in the relationship. After all, if it's something that bothers you, then he should have no problem not doing it. 

3. I Do The Same When My Boyfriend Flirts In Front of Me

Though you'll never hear it coming from a counselor, sometimes giving your man a taste of his own figurative medicine isn't a bad idea.  If your boyfriend is flirting in front of you regularly even after you've expressed your feelings to him on the matter, then it's time to change tactics.

Next time you're around his buddies or male co-workers, consider doing the exact same thing he does in front of you. Throw a few flirtations their way (without any big overtures), in front of your boyfriend.

Sometimes the male form doesn't understand what the offense is in a relationship until the offense is done to them. "Getting even" games aren't advisable for more serious offenses. 

When it comes to a boyfriend who flirts in front of you, showing them how it feels to see you flirt with another male may put things into perspective. Truly, this tactic has worked on men time and time again. 

4. Find Out What The Bigger Issue Is

Perhaps you're tired of venting to your friends, "My boyfriend flirts in front of me!". If the problem persists, perhaps there may be a bigger crack in the foundation of the relationship. 

Unfortunately, when one person in the relationship starts seeking validation or sexual titillation from other people, there might be a deeper issue. Through candid, honest, and respectful conversation, you can get to the bottom of it.

Maybe he is feeling sexually unsatisfied and doesn't feel like he can communicate what he wants in bed from you. Some men continually flirt because they don't feel like they are being valued by their partner. Of course, some men are just primal idiots and think flirting with anyone and anything is perfectly fine.

Assess what is important to you in your relationship. Consider holding a little "relationship inventory" with your man and discuss the areas where you both are feeling unsatisfied. It's quite possible that with a few minor changes, flirtations with other people can completely cease and you'll no longer wonder "What kind of boyfriend flirts in front of me?"

If the problem is solvable then you can continue on your way to a happy, fulfilling relationship. If there are bigger issues than you imagined, then at least you now know and can move on with your love life with someone who doesn't feel the need to flirt with other women. 

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Relationships are all about respect, which is a two-way street. If you're feeling disrespected, let him know. Regardless of the outcome, it is important to be patient, be true to yourself, have the talk, and give him the opportunity to explain himself.

Relationships don't ever improve through accusatory, heated arguments. If the relationship ends up not being a fit, then have enough self-respect to realise your own worth and move on.

I would love to hear your comments or answer any questions you might have about this post.

Yours sincerely,   


Dr. Carissa Coulston, Clinical Psychologist

BSc(Hons), MPsychol(Clinical), PhD, MAPS