These common relationship problems are actually signs that things may not be working. Are you in a healthy relationship? Find out what you can do.

There are a lot of common relationship problems out there. From the random spat to feelings of insecurity, just about everyone in a relationship knows what it is like to face certain problems.

However, there's a difference between healthy common relationship problems and downright unhealthy relationship issues.

Are you wondering if your relationship is teetering on the unhealthy side? Here are seven of the most common relationship problems that are far from healthy.

Seven Common Relationship Problems That Aren't So Healthy

Do you relate to any of these common relationship problems? If so, there may be some unhealthy elements to your current relationship.

7. Aggressive social media posts

It's easy to vent on social media when you've had a bad day, your barista made your coffee wrong, or traffic was just a total bummer.

There's a difference between fairweather light-hearted venting on social media and downright unhealthy social media.

You aren't twelve-- if you are having relationship problems, putting your partner down on Facebook or Twitter is extremely unhealthy and immature.

It's easy to get other people who may not like your partner on your side, but that doesn't mean you should leave them or continue to blast them on social media.

A very unhealthy relationship will result in constant social media battles and talking behind each other's back when you should be dealing with your relationship problems together as a team.

6. Avoiding the tough stuff

We get it - it's hard to talk about serious issues happening in a relationship.

If there's any one thing that can lead to a healthy relationship, it is learning how to properly communicate.

Continuing to avoid hard subjects won't lead to resolution, only a slowly deteriorating rate of intimacy.

Taking the time to talk to each other without feeling defensive in order to work out a problem (or multiple problems) in a healthy way can absolutely benefit a relationship.

5. Forgiveness refusal

Sometimes, forgiveness can be hard to do. Especially if something really dark like infidelity happens within a relationship.

When small breaches of trust happen within a relationship, learning to forgive each other is key.

In order for a relationship to last, both parties must be willing to talk things out, forgive each other, and let go.

If something happens in a relationship that is just too hard to forgive, or unhealthy to forgive, it may be time to let that relationship end.

4. Focusing on the bad all the time

Have you ever heard of the "5 to 1 ratio"?

A Professor of Psychology once discovered through many trials of struggling with couples that those with five or more positive interactions over each negative one had a greater chance of achieving a more stable, loving, and healthy relationship.

When you make a list of typical things and conversations that happen in your relationship, do the positives outweigh the negatives? Can you think of five positive things about your relationship for every one negative aspect?

If both parties in a relationship tend to focus on the bad things all the time, their relationship is probably not very healthy.

3. Thinking that your partner is psychic

It's easy to fall into the cycle of "if they really loved me, they wouldn't do this".

However, we tend to overestimate human beings. There's a big change that your partner is completely oblivious to the fact that they are causing you any hurt or harm.

Being open about things that don't make you feel loved and gently telling your partner that this one thing they do really hurts you may be surprising to your partner, but ultimately can result in more mindfulness in a relationship.

2. Non-existent boundaries

Boundaries are important in any romantic, platonic, or professional relationship.

If you feel like you don't feel whole without your partner there, you may be in an unhealthy relationship.

A relationship should involve wanting to be around another person because their presence complements you - not assists you.

1. Expecting easiness

Long-lasting relationships are never easy. You're bound to encounter some common relationship problems here and there, and maybe some of these are signs of an unhealthy relationship.

The key to a healthy relationship is overcoming these common relationship problems together.

My Relationship Is Unhealthy. How Can I Mend It?

It doesn't feel so great when you realise your relationship has a lot of unhealthy traits.

With enough effort, vulnerability, and love, you and your partner can transform your relationship for the better.

Learn about your partner's love language

Have you ever heard of love languages?

Love languages affect everyone. Certain people feel loved by receiving and giving certain types of loving gestures.

When love languages aren't "spoken" often to your partner, despite how much you love them, they may be feeling unloved and an unhealthy amount of animosity.

Learning your partner's love language can definitely aid in relationship transformation. The five types of love languages include:

Words of affirmation

Words of affirmation are the most verbal of the five love languages.

Someone who feels loved by words of affirmation typically will enjoy verbal affirmations of their partner's love.

Saying things like "I love you", "You're so unique and smart!" and "I really love when you do this specific thing" will make your partner really feel loved.

Acts of service

Acts of service is a very physical and intention love language.

People who feel loved by acts of service appreciate kind gestures. For example, say your partner is struggling with chores or a specific project.

Offering to help them do things will definitely make them feel loved. You can go the extra mile and do things for your partner that they didn't ask you to do, but you detected that they really needed help with.

Receiving gifts

This love language is simple - a lot of people feel loved by receiving physical gifts.

Whether it is your anniversary or your partner's birthday, a physical gift will really pull at their heartstrings.

Quality time

Most people appreciate quality time with their family, friends, and partners.

However, the individual whose love language is quality time appreciates quality time a lot.

If you feel like your relationship is suffering and your partner speaks this love language, try organising a nice picnic or a day trip somewhere you both will enjoy.

Physical touch

This is another simple one. People who appreciate this love language don't need much other than a genuine hug, kiss, or hand-holding.

Take Care Of Your Relationship Problems The Healthy Way

Have you ever experienced these unhealthy relationship problems? We want to hear your story!

Tell us about your experience with these common relationship problems in the comments below, and perhaps share some ideas about how you worked to overcome them.

I would love to hear your comments or answer any questions you might have about this post.

Yours sincerely,   


Dr. Carissa Coulston, Clinical Psychologist

BSc(Hons), MPsychol(Clinical), PhD, MAPS